| he's happy | Tuesday, January 31, 2006 12:29 AM |
i guess... they're like... happy now. i guess... i am only devastated but helpless. i guess... i can only give them blessings... may she bring him all the happiness that i couldn't give to him. may she understand him and take care of him the way i didn't do to him. like he needs more isotonic drinks and can't eat instant noodles for his blood. like he wants to have time off for his friends even if they're female or even his ex. like he likes to go for karaoke sessions and movies.. pool and arcade. like he likes to keep pictures of his special girl. like how he misses his special girl all the time. like he likes to show his girl to his brothers and be happy about it. like how he protects his girl from anything; everything. like how he will never fail to send her home at the end of the day. like how he find ways to please his girl no matter how far he has to go. like he will want her to eat alot and be chubby; be healthy. like how he doesn't like to be controlled. like he will want to spend all his time with her. but don't love him so much till you can't breathe... because so likely he may not be able to breathe too. don't walk the way i did... i dropped my treasure box on the way and couldn't find it again... my life was inside that treasure box. i lost it. don't do this to him anymore. please. | |
사랑해요 | |
| dream on | Friday, January 27, 2006 11:55 AM |
blogging again... sometimes i wonder if i'm trying to bury my sorrows here. throwing everything here... is that a form of running away from reality? but... even if i have to repeat it a hundred times.. a million times.. i'll still be so sure.. i'll still not think again... because i know... no one will be able to love you more than i do. even that is the thing that's so hurting me now... that i believe will always be the best thing that happened to you until the end. that i believe will be the reason i keep loving on. i just have to keep believing and lying to myself... that i'm going back to sleep to dream of you and me again... but this time i'll just never wake up. there are things in this world only i can do. love is not far away. love is in my heart. you're not far away. you are in my heart. | |
사랑해요 | |
| falling apart | 5:54 AM |
a sword piercing through his heart... and mine totally shattered... my world; my everything is feeling pain... so am i... i'm falling apart yet standing strong. my life is fragile yet love so strong. my life is fragile.. i need my boy. | |
사랑해요 | |
| sorry | 3:58 AM |
maybe not tonight. i'm not going to be cheena and crap in chinese. but im still gonna say stuffs though. stuff like how that shirt is hiding under my pillow so that i can sleep at night hah. like how i really still want to go on. much as i want to simply be happy that it happened today.. i can't help but be afraid that it's just pity or just obligation.. it still hurts but just that somehow i press on. love is just an amazing thing that works wonders in me... when you pursue something you love you never get tired... i guess this is what it simply means. they said there's no more turning back when feelings fade. maybe that's what it is. maybe you just don't want me. even though cruelty exists... i know things you did to me. i will press on. because i understand... maybe i tremble my heart do flips... i know it's better than i stopped moving my heart stop pumping... maybe i cry in darkness alone at night.. but i smile to know when you are fine. for love i made a big mistake. a mistake he might never forgive me. love makes people lose their mind... how wrong can i get. i'm sorry i had to lose control again tonight. so sorry... | |
사랑해요 | |
| he doesnt. yet | 2:54 AM |
just got home from jon's home. thanks guys for keeping me company. much appreciated... i shan't drone on i guess =/ just when i thought the world loves me... i was reminded that he doesn't again. just don't let her enter his life... not now. because i just know that i can do this. like drug, he said... yeah... i realized it's really my drug. | |
사랑해요 | |
| but.. | Thursday, January 26, 2006 2:02 AM |
i just said change yes... but i just saw his blog.. just saw his post... i'm so scared. perhaps another sleepless night for an answer to my anxiety. do you know what fear is? i have it... right now. what am i trembling about? why am i even trembling? is it so horrifying i have to tremble like this? i have to be strong not weak. i have to walk with him. but who is that she? i am so.. so terrified.. but i have a need and a right to know. i'm not gonna start crying but i need to stop trembling if it's possible. for christ sake save this fragile life of mine... it's breaking apart. it's shaking so hard... | |
사랑해요 | |
| god damn CHANGE! | 1:43 AM |
lost something? don't chase it... don't grasp it so tight... don't cry... don't get desperate... don't pretend to be pathetic... don't act pitiful... it's not a drama... it's my life. lost something? FIND IT... it will not fall from the sky again... just find it because when you do you'll never lose it again. ever. it is about time... about chances... because other than that... it was all alone meant to be. just time... i need to be strong. | |
사랑해요 | |
| childish | Wednesday, January 25, 2006 11:47 PM |
okay i found the fujiyama cologne today. you bet i was drop dead happy. i'm now so wondering... how come i feel like i'm being ignored? really guys, i was reluctant to take that shirt back. because it's like... i really want to leave everything as it is? normal and stuff... but maybe that will be a form of strength for me from now. yet i'm so hurt... he's so not talking to me now and i have no idea why. i'm childish hah~... i did something like a catching cum hide-and-seek game with someone who didn't know i was playing with him. today i know... i'll never be happy again until i have him back. today... i know... | |
사랑해요 | |
| afraid | 12:28 PM |
wad can i say more? i am so afraid. woke up this morning feeling totally dreadful... the feeling is awful. but why? why? i just can't let go. i just know. that's my life.. my oxygen.. i need my world. everything around doesn't stop to wait for me. the earth continues to revolve without me. yet you are you... so i believe... | |
사랑해요 | |
| 我们的故事 | 11:34 AM |
在你左右 还有多久 怎么样才能让时间倒流 每一分每一秒都珍重 握紧的手 不愿放松 十点半的飞机它在等候 不要再让自己的眼泪流 我必需要走 要记得 我们的故事真难忘 太多的回忆和希望 不管它有多疯狂 我愿意一生收藏 我们的故事不能忘 太多的情节要发展 不要放弃 因为有一天会缘份会继续 我知道你寂寞 一个人确实好难过 思念是一种痛 没有你叫我怎么活 身边充满诱惑 不坚定就容易犯错 你是否能看见未来的收获 你愿意在耐心等候 我们的故事真难忘 太多的回忆和希望 不管它有多疯狂 我愿意一生收藏 我们的故事不能忘 太多的情节要发展 不要放弃 因为有一天会缘份会继续 让让我们一起演完 | |
사랑해요 | |
| running out of time | 2:38 AM |
i'm running out of time. for project and exams. basically for school. my eyes are so sore... blah blah blah... it goes on and on i'll just never stop. but guess wad? im exhausted today after two days of sleeplessness... oh yeah... this morning i like moved while being the dead body lying on the bed. my hand hurts. but think it's fine already anyway. and then... i ate like half a plate of beehoon wc's mom cooked for me. but i still feel pathetic because i'm hiding something from people. i don't know how to announce it like i'm fine. i don't want to go m'sia right now... i really don't... guess what? i'm now so glad i'm not in the cruise plan. so it all happens for a reason... | |
사랑해요 | |
| i beg all of you | Tuesday, January 24, 2006 12:25 PM |
im in school now. it is bad. i got A for maths. so? sorry joycelyn and felicia... i just cannot help it. joyce... he doesn't care... why am i crying then? but that's not what i want to believe. i may not be alone. but i feel so alone. im sorry for there are things right now that i cannot come to accept. felicia... maybe i really feel like i lost everything. and you all know i'm not strong. not inside... not outside... but i'm trying... i'm trying to be strong for the very fact that i need to try to save it. to save me. scream at me... it's ok... i wish this nightmare would end soon.. kel please don't ask me to face it... i am... but that's so hard. i said i'm scared... just believe i am. please. | |
사랑해요 | |
| it's just for a while | 3:34 AM |
how did things just change overnight? you bet it's another sleepless night. maybe i'll study... or at least try. it's so wrong. with all the projects due exams coming. why couldn't things hang on for a while? yet here i am still pretending to be strong. last week's today... i waited for four hours. to save a relationship that's going bad. right now i'm not saving a relationship. i just want to have the most important thing in my life. something more important that life itself. i'm just doing something i need. something i need to do to stay alive. that's my oxygen. it is essential. sometimes it runs out like now. and i'm just on the verge of breaking down. but i tell myself... i'm fine... it's just for a little while. i'm not lying to myself. i'm not... i'm not crying... it's just for a little while. it's mine... it's meant to be. i'm never ever gonna be alone. now's just for a little while... the things... i think i'll do it tomorrow. after all... it's a gift from my heart with simple words from the bottom of my heart. maybe the 9th month is just too late. i guess i'm just like late. but no point keeping them... they belong to where they were meant to go. and to him is where they should go. tomorrow... i will do it. | |
사랑해요 | |
| 如果 | Monday, January 23, 2006 8:43 PM |
如果真的不想失去我 就请你千万别放手 请你一定要相信我 请你不要离开我 我需要的是时间还有你 就这样而已 就算是我在求你 就算是你同情我 对,我就只会这样子 因为现在的我真的等于死 | |
사랑해요 | |
| just like that | 7:01 PM |
我听见你的声音，有种特别的感觉， 让我不断想， 不敢再忘记你。 我记得有一个人， 永远留在我心中， 哪怕只能够这样的想你。 如果真的有一天， 爱情理想会实现， 我会加倍努力好好对你， 永远不改变。 不管路有多么远， 一定会让它实现， 我会轻轻在你耳边对你说，对你说， 我爱你，爱着你，就像老鼠爱大米， 不管有多少风雨， 我都会依然陪着你。 我想你，想着你，不管有多么刻苦， 只要能让你开心，我什么都愿意， 这样爱你。 | |
사랑해요 | |
| 愛 | 1:26 PM |
那時的你說 要和我手牽手 一起走到時間的盡頭 從此以後我都不敢抬頭看 彷彿我的天空失去了顏色 從那一天起 我忘記了呼吸 我們的愛 我明白 已變成你的負擔 只是永遠 我都放不開 最後的溫暖 你給的溫暖 今生能遇见你真好 i believe 话不說 你也知道 沉闷的世界因为有了你 一切都改变 为了你 我愿意 多用心照顾自己 请你千万别忘记..我们曾和幸福有约订 | |
사랑해요 | |
| lost | 7:32 AM |
i am exhausted. i feel so helpless. i can't cry anymore because i can't find the tears. but i will go on.. no matter how many more sleepless nights there may be. i don't want to look back and regret. i can't cry. 怎么办? 我该怎么办? 难到就这样一直痛下去吗? 一个人的生活不是我所能够承受的. 是不是真的... 痛到最痛就不会再痛... 是这样的吗? 为什么每一次都是我? 或许这就是今生注定... 我也只能败在爱情的手里. say people only cherish the things that had after they lost them... i don't. how could this happen to me? | |
사랑해요 | |
| faith | 4:49 AM |
am i still the luckiest girl on earth i thought i was? do you still think that even the two people that seem to fit ever so perfectly will never have any problems? please think again... i know who thought we were wonderful. i know who thought we were inseparable. tell me it's gonna happen again. faith is what i need right now. for very simple reasons. i want things to be very.. very okay. i want to prove to myself... that i am somebody. i want people who loves me to be proud of me. | |
사랑해요 | |
| three times | 1:27 AM |
three times. i went there three times today. i made it through this day. by standing on the edge... looking down... telling myself... it's not over yet. for an hour or so. i really did it. im sorry if i pissed you guys off at all. i am really trying my best. i need people to be there. i need to not be alone. i am so screwed that a stranger had to slap me you know. yet... it didn't hurt. i really appreciate the people who showed concern one way or another. real or fake. i really needed those... and especially to evan today... but no... i am quite certain... another sleepless night for me. | |
사랑해요 | |
| i dont wanna be alone | Sunday, January 22, 2006 12:10 PM |
HE BROKE UP WITH ME. i so cannot take it. i can't. | |
사랑해요 | |
| she | 9:43 AM |
so this is what fear is all about. have i slept at all? i'm not sure... i dun understand myself... why i have to live with the pain of pretending she's not here. why am i doing this to myself? | |
사랑해요 | |
| pills anyone? | 6:52 AM |
i decided to delete the post just before this. heh~ b`cuz it's sick. zijing thinks i'm going nuts. i totally agree! i'm hungry. but there's like nothing to eat. b`cuz it's like in the middle of the morning. lol... i need a bucket of sleeping pills. to keep me from going crazy. do you know what it actually feels like when you have things to say and can't say them out? i do... but i am young and i have love.. if i speak those words... i'll die because of no love. lol... so here goes... *censored* yeap, that's about it. a whole chunk of unspeakables replaced by a single word between two asterisks. sometimes... i'm amazed by how strong i can be. sometimes... i'm amazed by my patience. sometimes... i'm amazed by the people who hates me and the things they do. you know what i mean? oh just get a life. stop wasting time. when it's time to die, i will. don't worry you don't lose much. | |
사랑해요 | |
| tonight. | 6:06 AM |
3ciA.. it is the end of the world. i hate the mirror. who is that girl in the reflection? i lost track of time. i really tried not to cry. but i can't pretend i'm fine. i am afraid. and i can't describe how bad it is. and i can't tell why. because for the umpteenth time in my life. some girl is strangling me... stabbing me with a knife over and over again. but i can't say anything. because of love... yet crying is not my sin tears are not my weapon | |
사랑해요 | |
| chance | 3:13 AM |
if you still love me.. let me have the right to take a stand. i may be making a selfish choice. but to me it's not. i don't want to take that break. fate didn't plan for you to come into my life to bring me only happiness. we're together to go through thick and thin with each other. that is what makes us strong. that is what makes our relationship strong. to me, it is a test destiny is putting us through. no, i really don't want to fail it once again. my pasts are practices life has given to me.. to prepare me for this day this relationship. you want me to be the one to share your joy.. but i want to be the one to share your woes as well. love is a gift from heaven. i want to be your gift. not just now... not just in memories... but till the end. i don't want to be your burden. i want to share your load. if my choice is to leave.. i am selfish and unworthy. because i only want to be happy. but no... that's not what i want. i want you to be happy. do you only want me? or do you really need me? wanting is just a desire. needing is maybe like love i'm not sure. if you need me.. don't say that again... because i know i need you. you wanted my honest opinion... yes i will have problem living life without you. my head is spinning. for the people who has asked me to let go.. sorry for that's not what i'll do. never. thanks jing for spending time with me. you take care too. to everyone... i know what i want and i know my love is priceless. don't worry for me... because as long as there is love. i will survive this. to you... i want you to learn the meaning of hope, happiness, care, bliss, peace, faith and love.. by being with me. | |
사랑해요 | |
| listen up | Saturday, January 21, 2006 2:37 PM |
i am sorry. but it is impossible for me to accept any one else.. and i emphasize... any one else... into my life right now. i mean it. so meanwhile people.. just leave me alone. i have no wish what-so-ever to expand my so-called social circle. and i'll just hate whoever else that comes into the picture in the near future. unless by fate we were planned to meet. *drama* where eyes meet, chemistry happens and sparks goes off all around. but that only happens in tv shows anyway. life isn't exactly good. i really wanna make it better. and to me... this will make me happier. at least for now. | |
사랑해요 | |
| wasted | Friday, January 20, 2006 7:21 PM |
the new furniture are here. wasted an entire day getting things done. didn't get to touch project totally. oh wells... i'll make up for it tonight... for guilt's sake i suppose =/ my nose hurts bad. i am bored. i shall go and take a bath. | |
사랑해요 | |
| one last time | 3:10 AM |
and for the last time i shall blog about how screwed i am right now before i actually start getting on with my life, getting over that girl i'll never be able to accept. yen i know you probably won't see this anyway. but i'm really happy to know i'm not alone. and i want you to know i'm here for you too. no doubt ex girlfriends are a pain in the ass. so right you are there's nothing we can do about it. "haha silly then dun think so much sumtimes be less doubtful n have faith in it gif urself sum time to get over the issue n things will be fine" yen, i sure hope so. i'll keep your words in mind and do just that. you'll be fine too. as always, you're always strong. i love you so much, yen. with this, i declare the start of a new chapter of my life. that girl who screwed my life. i'm gonna pretend she doesnt exist. right now. | |
사랑해요 | |
| the pain no one would understand | 12:20 AM |
today, or rather yesterday... he told me that the character i possess is not one that he particularly takes interest in. it doesn't take a genius to know what came to my mind. so is she someone who possesses the character that captures your heart? i know better than to go on thinking about it... i am in a lose-lose situation. how about you people reading this pray for me right now? for the people who advised me... for the people who walked with me... thank you guys. i really appreciated every little thing. even though i didn't heed anything. just pray for me now. i didn't like her... he talked to her... she quarrelled with him... he tried to talk me out... i quarrelled with him... he wanted cool off... why is it always me? and that is why... night after night... these tears keep coming back. i guess that is the most painful thing... nobody would understand. | |
사랑해요 | |
| for a better life | Thursday, January 19, 2006 1:14 PM |
if i could choose to forget one thing now. just one. i wanna forget the look in his eyes when he gazed at her. that look he never gave to me. if only... what do you do when the things you want doesn't happen like you want them to? i chose to cry them into tears... and let them flow. flow down the sewage... to wherever they should go. and wherever it is... i only hope with every last bit of strength i have left... that it is far.. far away. | |
사랑해요 | |
| Corinthians | 3:00 AM |
the bible says, Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1st Corinthians 13:4-8 爱是恒久忍耐，又有恩慈； 爱是不嫉妒，爱是不自夸， 不张狂，不做害羞的事， 不求自己的益处，不轻易发怒， 不计算人的恶， 不喜欢不义，只喜欢真理； 凡事包容，凡事相信， 凡事盼望，凡事忍耐； 爱是永不止息。 歌林多前书1 13:4-8 | |
사랑해요 | |
| to be strong | 2:44 AM |
before i go to bed.. maybe i'll just post some rants. i guess that's what it's all about. and true enough, maybe i'll never be happy. i could make a choice. but he would be unhappy. however far i need to go... no matter how much i have to do i'd wish with all my heart and soul... that she can just disappear... so that my life will be ever so good. selfish? maybe. but i don't think so. yet there's nothing i can do... but to feign ignorance... because of a 4 letter word l-o-v-e for that i strongly believe in. i will try my very best.. to stand strong, hold firm.. and walk till the end of these sorrows that hurt me through and through. walk out of the shadows of pain and fear... for him, i will do. for i believe in love. | |
사랑해요 | |
| B-I-T-C-H | Wednesday, January 18, 2006 10:57 AM |
i hate that bitch. that god damn bitch.. because she screwed my life. but i dont even know her. bitches come into my life all the time. they take everything away from me. FUCK! | |
사랑해요 | |
| 1 | Tuesday, January 17, 2006 9:05 AM |
if anyone could died from crying... i'll be next. sitting here thinkin' if i should go to school with those sore eyes of mine. i should have known. i'm nobody. life would be mad to treat me better. so it was all a dream. that when i wake up, everything would become a nightmare. wads the point when he doesnt even care? come laugh at me. i wish there was something that could make people stop crying. | |
사랑해요 | |
| so wrong | 12:15 AM |
i always thought i'd make a good girlfriend. someone nice to be with in a relationship. even though i know i don't make a good friend. i guess i was wrong. so wrong. and just like anyone would say... i'm such a bitch | |
사랑해요 | |
| 被误解被骗 | Tuesday, January 10, 2006 2:37 PM |
我爱上让我奋不顾身的一个人 我以为这就是我所追求的世界 然而横冲直撞被误解被骗 是否成人的世界背后总有残缺 我走在每天必须面对的分岔路 我怀念过去单纯美好的小幸福 爱总是让人哭 让人觉得不满足 天空很大却看不清楚 好孤独 don't you just hate this song for the reality it reflects | |
사랑해요 | |
| lie to me. | Friday, January 06, 2006 7:07 PM |
it's always the same... you don't understand my pain... i may be paranoid. but at least i know what i want... what i can't. i can't accept what i can't... i've told you what i can't. but i am not selfish... what about you? everyone's got their boundaries... so happens you always crosses mine. i am not perfect. but maybe you are. because you won't even lie to me. you wouldn't say you'll stay with me till the end of time. you wouldn't say you love me for as long as i'm around. maybe everyone i know is perfect. everyone except me. nobody would tell me lies. lies that i wanna hear. | |
사랑해요 | |