| imagine. | Thursday, March 29, 2007 11:58 PM |
i'd rather find you in my imagination... where everything about you is the closest to heaven anyone can ever be. when you're around, i just can't help but hope for more. it's so hard when all they could do is guess... and all i want to do is back away... because i'm so afraid one day things will get out of hand. why am i pretending? why should i hide my feelings? let's say... it really makes life much simpler for both me and you. i just want to stay by your side... to share your woes and understand your joy... to know the reason you smile and be a company when you cry... it isn't a lot to ask from you. my dream you can fulfill. did you know that love never fails? | |
사랑해요 | |
| rememberance | Wednesday, March 28, 2007 1:49 PM |
27th February 2007, it was said. "there isnt anything constant in the world.. only God is. if things dun change they dun improve. if there isnt changes..nothing new will come" maybe the fact that things will change gives us hope. and i never really saw it from this perspective all two zero years of my life. and yes, i happen to also remember every other thing. just because every single time i seek, i've found treasures i can keep for eternity. in His time... so maybe it's time to change... then let live a world of hope in another's heart... in grace by faith alone, i will press on. but i long for the day when there can be a way... for my heartfelt gratitude to be received. that you may see what God has given to you... a charm that touches lives (: | |
사랑해요 | |
| snores | Monday, March 26, 2007 10:00 PM |
desperate for an inspiration. i need to write, somehow. if you'll always stay this way... i'll look at you from here forever... but we're not constant and one day we'll change... when that day comes... will you take a step backward? or will you inch forward? if you had a choice, which will you choose? | |
사랑해요 | |
| SILVER! | Sunday, March 25, 2007 1:16 AM |
over are the days of hardwork and endless trainings yet again. really gotta thank God for our silver... and of course the best commander. the competition is always a whole lot of effort, but also always worth the battle. you girls have brought glory to 48th company... and i am very very proud of everything (: let us not forget the lessons learnt `cuz it's still the process that really matters most. remain humble and set good examples for the others looking up to you. well done and very importantly, KEEP IT UP! went to youth service after drill compeition. it was fantastic. elaborations, next time maybe. just awfully glad i showed up. how great is our God. take me deeper ; deeper in love with you. Jesus hold me close in your embrace. take me deeper ; deeper than i've ever been before. I just want to love you more and more... How i long to be deeper in love. | |
사랑해요 | |
| yishun POSB! | Saturday, March 24, 2007 1:09 AM |
for the convenience of one saturday... i forgot about the inconvenience of the following three saturdays. ugh, how smart can i get ): i kept waiting for saturday and it has arrived. but now i'm torn apart. by two choices and an obvious route to take. if Daphne was right that God will bring me there... then perhaps now is time i go to bed and think no more. the dreadfulness i feel... is it fear? can somebody tell me what to do? i hope i get to nee soon camp on time... and i hope for every single good thing... so that i will in time see the worth of sacrificing three innocent saturdays. i hope i hit the target for tomorrow... so that they'll be pleased and i'll be contented... let everybody be satisfied. something i prayed for ; a prayer fulfilled. now, i promise to work hard. the rest, it's up to You. my life ; Your plans. this time i'll do my very best. the heart - isn't that the place i'd love to reside? - it's been a long time since i caught up with people around. thanks kel for having dinner with poor `lil me. haha! for so readily agreeing... for actually offering to spare time at the void deck like so many years ago. it was nice to talk to qianwen again... standing at our usual void deck spot with me blabbering away non-stop. i'll miss these days when time comes you're gone. can't recall the last words i've spoken to eric when we were still classmates. but thanks to chong pang, it was really a great chat that triggered alot of fond past memories. i do wish he'll go back to YMM and take a look, find his future in the past. i found it a place worthy to stay. just sometimes in life we're too lost and everything's so grey. and of course, lots of love for candice for choosing GB in the end. drill competition happens only once a couple of years. let's take the time off for a place that allowed our paths to cross. without GB, without drill competition, we probably wouldn't have become one another's bytch (: many important changes are taking place. physically and psychologically. my marathon of faith is still going strong <3 | |
사랑해요 | |
| you want it? you got it. | Friday, March 23, 2007 1:07 AM |
puh-lease. i received an email so offensive i needed a shield so it would stop hurting! you'd think that it's pretty clear-cut with my countless entries writing the obvious. even the densest of people would comprehend the contents without much difficulty. so tell me, why question endlessly when all the answers are already in bold and italic? otherwise, why read if you can't really understand? trust me i can be mean. just don't put my patience to test. talk about respect? look at yourself. period. - on a lighter note. I CAN'T WAIT FOR SATURDAY! (: weekdays are packed with dreadful stuffs to occupy myself with. weekends are just as busy but a whole lot more fun and enjoyable. and the best part is... i can't really explain why. gabriel.. gabriel.. where's the letter!? haha... | |
사랑해요 | |
| 4am | Thursday, March 22, 2007 12:02 AM |
i grew to learn that happiness doesn't last for long. maybe it's just the things my curiosity brings me to finding out. or maybe it all really wears out within a short time span. well, what can i say? sometimes, i really wonder. the night i stayed awake so i can message you goodbye. the pretty high fever i ended up having the following day for that reason. the days i sat around wishing you're around. then i waited for you to come back... so i can say a bit of hey welcome home. comes another time i held my breath and plucked up all my courage. to call up and listen to that voice, but it's yet another little goodbye. i wanted to shout for joy, i wanted to squeal in delight. for i counted that a second time, i remember. occupying myself with everything didn't help in forgetting you. well, it's over. and miserable days ended when you miraculously appeared. yesterday, life seemed so beautiful. but none of it ever lasted. i know. between us, nothing as yet is worth remeberance. not to you anyway. but you don't know how happy i was, just yesterday. you don't know how happy i was. i feel like crying. `cuz i feel my heart breaking. God is telling u, he doesnt bother abt what happened in the past, but he cares for whats coming in the future. thats why he might be waiting for u to make the turn to be able to be at peace, and to know that he forgive you. God will never fail you. | |
사랑해요 | |
| ZERO | Wednesday, March 21, 2007 2:25 AM |
so, today is THE day. results are out. i'm graduating for real. no more whining about not knowing if i'll pass my modules. it's time to make the next move. somehow, this reminded me of what it felt like... the day we ended school life... the day i had to leave your side... how it all broke my heart... and all the time and effort i've put in, to see you every now and then. so, today is THE day. zero day more took forever to come. but forever has arrived. yup, i've been counting down to nothing. just that to me, it's practically everything. ...... the time now is already 4.38am. i didn't know how to carry on the post so i've been thinking. and while thinking... (: YAAAAAAAAAAAY! my heart skipped a beat. one moment i forgot how to breathe. | |
사랑해요 | |
| ONE | Tuesday, March 20, 2007 11:19 AM |
What Can I Do The Corrs I haven't slept at all in days It's been so long since we've talked And I have been here many times I just don't know what I'm doing wrong What can I do to make you love me What can I do to make you care What can I say to make you feel this What can I do to get you there There's only so much I can take And I just got to let it go And who knows I might feel better, yeah If I don't try and I don't hope What can I do to make you love me What can I do to make you care What can I say to make you feel this What can I do to get you there No more waiting, no more, aching... No more fighting, no more, trying... Maybe there's nothing more to say And in a funny way I'm calm Because the power is not mine I'm just going to let it fly And love me... love me - so true | |
사랑해요 | |
| ONE | 2:06 AM |
one year already. if you'd just creep away, look this way. never mind. we met because God has a plan. let's wait and see. let's just believe. one last day. but she's right. what's gonna happen? saturday. let's pray. | |
사랑해요 | |
| TWO | Monday, March 19, 2007 12:34 AM |
i'm THIS tired. that explains my endless crapping or utter silence from time to time. but sunday finally came. despite the many days of in sufficient rest, i still managed to drag myself out of bed with much difficulty, wash up, and head for church reaching just in time. headed home to rest for about an hour. then met seetho up to resume post as joey's 头号 fan! had lunch, shopped around, had dinner. and ta-da~ i'm back home blogging. let's hope it's gonna be a better week already. anyone game for a saturday youth service with me, drop me a note (: the last 2 days... am i gonna see you soon again? | |
사랑해요 | |
| THREE | Sunday, March 18, 2007 12:02 AM |
it's time to focus and work hard for creative drill already. saw alot of people that i expected to meet today. bumped into loads of people today, too. but that's not really why i blogged. wanyi would understand... it's just yet another counting down post. 3 days to go; 5 days down. why does it feel like it's been forever? | |
사랑해요 | |
| doze | Saturday, March 17, 2007 1:54 AM |
i'd love to blog and rant all night long. unfortunately, fatigue is devouring me. i just don't have the luxury of time. so you wonder why i'm still here now... there's someone, somewhere, somehow. more important right now than anything else. nobody for me to cry out to. so here goes, the days are hard without you. real difficult man. off to bed i go, now. only half of 8 left. still half of 8 more to go. | |
사랑해요 | |
| alex's home (: | Friday, March 16, 2007 12:04 AM |
it's been years since i last came here. it's been years since we last did this. or maybe it's just me... the fact that i went away... away from the place hope abandoned me. something's churning inside of me... is it still like once upon a time? do they still feel what i knew? there's a smile that kills. there are secrets unrevealed. will this lead me the way i want it to? somebody, stop right there before patience meets its limit. yeap, we're at alex's home! (: 5 more days to press on for. already so lost without you. | |
사랑해요 | |
| stress | Thursday, March 15, 2007 12:17 PM |
overwhelming stress. devouring me. tearing my life apart. i can't wait for sunday to come. i can't wait to take a break. counting down to 6 days later. counting down to your presence once again. the long anticipated anxiety... eating away what's already left of me. | |
사랑해요 | |
| 7days | Wednesday, March 14, 2007 2:12 AM |
off to far away land, once again. no point already, but here i am. the voice i hear, always, in my dreams. today, tonight, i heard him true. mastered the courage; made the move. small talk; laughter. a day never better. 192 hours. 11520 minutes. 691200 seconds. now, 7 days left to go. i never knew how much your smile could mean to me. until it happened and made my heart skip a beat. all of a sudden, my heart melts at every little thing about you. i've always meant every word i say. i'll always mean the words i say. from the bottom of my heart, to you. | |
사랑해요 | |
| 8days | Tuesday, March 13, 2007 12:46 AM |
there was nothing more i could do to make you feel any better. nor could my words do anything to brighten up the night. i wasn't chosen to share your load. i wasn't chosen to lend you a shoulder. but here i am, without a plan. i may not know what to do... yet i do know, nobody else apart from God, nobody else hopes to see you happy more than i do. so far away you're gonna be, yet once again. when tomorrow comes, will i find enough of courage? when you come back, will things have changed? are you really the person i perceive you to be? or is it illusions playing tricks on me? have i been fooled? am i blinded? because in my world, there has never been a better person. will you hate me if i made you my world? if my selfishness caused your sadness, i'll hate myself for eternity. i'm sure you'll find it. a few words of gold. for the pureness glistening, the simplicity within. my life, you've touched. your trust, may it be magnified. the years, though long. the happiness, once was. in the bliss of innocence you saved my life. 5 years, thank God now i know why. yes, i'll never lie. | |
사랑해요 | |
| refiner's fire | Monday, March 12, 2007 3:55 PM |
cos it's all that important. you are, really. (: | |
사랑해요 | |
| two zero. | Sunday, March 11, 2007 1:35 AM |
i could have skipped my entire way home. it was nothing, but everything. thanks to everyone who made an effort. wanyi and jiaming, i love you girls and i'm sorry i couldn't stay for the cake ): i'd have loved to, you know. sister, for the dinner. we should have known each other earlier. alex, yesheng, jiaji, dennis and zijing, for the thoughts, the presents, the cakes, the surprises or just simply being there... i really thank all of you. big time. colleagues who were present, boss, fenn and zijing again, for the cake and the song and the drinks. haha. patricia and keith for your precious time to make me happy. seetho and joey for pleasant surprises, and the dinner. i love all of you. not forgetting... the sms, msn, tagboard, friendster, presents, etc... imah, joey(gb), kelvyn, jonathan, ivy, shaowei, qianwen, jeremy. i tried my best to blog out every single person in my life who did a little something for me this year. if i left you out, it doesn't mean you're insignificant. it just means i'm exhuasted now. thanks for every little thing, for the people who tried to do everything to make me happy. you know who you are. i didn't think i'd make it... but tonight i know, i'll be able to sleep with a smile on my face, finally. to my dearest cousin who happens to have the same birthday as me, well, now you're another year older too! hope you've had a nice birthday this year. God bless you loads (: and then, thank you for making my day. | |
사랑해요 | |
| 20, already | Saturday, March 10, 2007 2:03 AM |
happy birthday, tricia. ): | |
사랑해요 | |
| press on | Thursday, March 08, 2007 9:55 PM |
5 years back i made my first attempt and it didn't work. today i tried for the second time, but i failed again. God, if for everything you have a reason... can you tell me why you're letting me down once again, when somehow i hear your calling and i feel it's time, stronger than ever before. for a moment, i was so sure. i was sure you're with me this time and i wouldn't fail. i kept waiting and waiting, and i finally found the chance tonight. i used up every ounce of courage i could find, but tonight i failed again. can you please tell me why? i will press on. because nothing is hard, if i love God. thanks. you. | |
사랑해요 | |
| i did. | 10:30 AM |
when you're down, tired and maybe alone, here's my right and my left. for you, only you. and i'd do anything. i just want you to be happy. would you mind, would you care how people look at you, or what they think about you? i do, unfortunately. and all of that affects me so much sometimes, i end up running away from life. even though i do realise, people are often too conscious of themselves to even notice you... i still find it hard to do the things i want to do. say, i want to go to church... i'm alone i don't want them people to look at me and know. i believe in God and i want to tell the world... what would the friends think of me? there are so many things so important in my life... but i can't find the courage. when it all gets too tough to pretend i'm okay. the tears eventually have to come. for all these times, the listening ears i need and the shoulders i want were there. yet this time, everything seem so far away. somebody in your life did everything she could for you. she did, really. touching lives just by being who you are. thanks, for you've touched my life. | |
사랑해요 | |
| wishes, hopes | Wednesday, March 07, 2007 12:57 AM |
big HELLO to readers of my blog. people who knows me, and especially those who watched me grow, you guys probably think that my life's taking a huge turn at this point in time. as a matter of fact, i think you guys are right. and this is so important to me right now, that everything else is taking a slow-down for me to set my life straight once again. damn right there's a time for everything. it's all just a matter of priorities. so where am i on the list? hmm, let's see... OH! number one from the bottom up, i trust. they say everything has a way when there's a will. i have a will, so where's my way, God? then again, the sweetest gift God ever gave to me. is you. without you, i wouldn't have found me. without you, i wouldn't have remembered what i once lost. not so soon anyway. without you, without you... i can let this go on forever. but i'd rather wait for the day i can have countless with you to list.... because only with you, do i see the beautiful life you taught me. sometimes, it's so hard i just want to let go of everything. like now, i'm so tired i wish i can forget everything when i close my eyes. you're so far away. i wish for a moment, with you right beside me. a shoulder for me to lean on, and tears i can stop hiding. just you and i, and the stars and the sea, i wish i can tell you, how i truly feel. like how i hope you'll be there tomorrow with us. like how i hope you're always with us all the time. This birthday, i wish...... the world was ugly... until i met you. | |
사랑해요 | |
| tonight; i feel | Tuesday, March 06, 2007 3:08 AM |
forgive me if i stutter, from all of the clutter in my head. tonight i'm not afraid to tell you, what i feel about you. then i met you. and all the little things you said to me. God is doing something in my life and i have to keep it going. will you help me? life is beautiful ; but never a bed of roses. | |
사랑해요 | |
| worlds apart | Monday, March 05, 2007 12:00 AM |
you and me. we're like worlds apart. and you're like a stranger amidst a crowd of friends. even though you're the friend; they're the strangers. so many things, but i keep holding back. so much so i want to open up, i end up taking a step back. and all the tears welling up inside. and all the fears piling up high. if only right from the start i held back from falling for you. the world seems bigger than both of us... yet it seems so small when I begin to cry... | |
사랑해요 | |
| random | Sunday, March 04, 2007 2:07 AM |
today(or in fact yesterday), i went for drill practice like any other saturdays. met yesheng for breakfast. sorry for being a teeny weeny bit late! i still hate it that i can't make it for dennis's granny's funeral ): super sad can. haiz. SIR alex actually commented on my not-so-black hair colour, while he himself didn't tuck in his freakin' shirt. oh-so-alex. i caught jiaji and wenzhao eating snake at the canteen, chatting like there's no tomorrow... during parade. hahaha. alright, `nuff said. all for the wrong reasons. i'm sorry. just... never mind. | |
사랑해요 | |
| love is kind | Thursday, March 01, 2007 11:34 PM |
have you ever felt this way? you just keep trying and trying, but things simply wouldn't go your way. you just feel like screaming, and you know you can't run away. every little thing you do seem like random specks of dust... all you could do is stand around to watch 'em innocently get brushed away... like as though they're the most worthless thing, ever. am i trying too hard? is this loving too much? i'm so so tired, and you're only one tiny inch closer than before. God, show me the way from here. i don't know what to do. not anymore. if all of this has been one big mistake, i'll probably be wrong for a very long time... if knowing you sparked off this nightmare, it's a nightmare worth going through... for you are just like a dream come true. | |
사랑해요 | |