| snooze | Monday, July 30, 2007 12:35 AM |
amidst all that you've been doing... all that you've been saying... so what exactly is real and what's just your usual dose of nonsense? i don't know how to decipher. i don't know why you bother to give me your time. thanks for remembering me every single day. thanks for making me feel special. but i wish you wouldn't keep this so unclear. looking at him in a friend's point of view is something i never knew i can do. well, i did... and the whole idea still makes me sick. it was a whole load of chore to drag myself to face the day but i knew i had to do this. quiet? maybe not. say... i just haven't been around much plus i'm way more tired than tired itself. pretty self-explanatory, yes? i recalled how i came to realize... i could make your decision as swiftly as you can make/break my day. always thought it was impossible but this is one mistake i can do with correction. dead beat. i'm outta here. | |
사랑해요 | |
| unspoken | Friday, July 27, 2007 3:38 AM |
is that what you really think? or is that some kind of joke? have you ever spared a thought for my feelings? or do you even care what i'd think? come on... tell me honestly. it's like obviously not simple. you're not really nothing. no... you're almost everything. yeah, he's damn right. whole day ; everytime... it's just you, you and you. how about that? i played nice for so long, can't you see? each time you never fail to put me down like it's just another breath you take. it sets me thinking... so why are we here? to concerned parties... once again, i'm sorry for disappearing. i'm so horribly packed with things to do it's making me break down from exhaustion. not trying to push my limit... i just want to get out of the pain i never knew you could give me. i'm tired. | |
사랑해요 | |
| what a day | Thursday, July 26, 2007 11:02 PM |
busy busy day at work. you know why? kel came. tracy came. ivy came. gareth came. daniel and reagan came. like wow! time just flew pass 'cuz everybody was there to talk to me (: not forgetting regina's surprise visit yesterday too. and getting to see and talk to daphne after so long. geez... sounded like a good day? i thought so too. but good things come to an end all too soon, don't they? words ; they're like the scariest weapon one could hold | |
사랑해요 | |
| little things | Wednesday, July 25, 2007 2:50 AM |
it's hard to believe 6 years of everything we're still here today. still the same like how it started out. only much stronger; much happier. you can't imagine how hard it was to fix today. but i had to do everything to make this happen. it's been so long but it's like we've never been away. and i'll never walk away; you'll never forget me. little things. they make me more than happy. | |
사랑해요 | |
| slipping away | Sunday, July 22, 2007 5:58 AM |
i know you guys must be wondering. maybe even talking. why not i just say it all so all of you can quit this guessing game? you know what? i haven't been happy ever since. i'm tired of playing pretend. it doesn't seem that things will change. he's probably right. we can't possibly face someone every week if we're trying to forget him/her. it's won't work. and there's so much more than just this tiny little 'him-her' problem. can i just regret and get out of everything? | |
사랑해요 | |
| that year. | 4:46 AM |
now it's clear what makes me happy what makes me not. i know when i'm glad or when i'm sad. only thing is... i don't understand why. and i don't want you to be there. i want you to be where i am. i wish i had a reason to keep you by my side. i just know when crap happens you'll never leave me standing in the rain. if time could turn back i'd hold your hands instead. then maybe today i wouldn't be feeling like that. am i too late? | |
사랑해요 | |
| going back | Saturday, July 21, 2007 2:24 AM |
just like 4 years or so ago. the same anticipation. the same tingling in my guts. how i'd do anything to run down to bore myself out. it's so weird but it's still the same us. it's wrong but i'm trapped. every bit deep down inside me doesn't want to move out of their sight. i'm not ready to step out of the pouring rain. but my shelter is only one battle away. | |
사랑해요 | |
| pig not tonight. | Friday, July 20, 2007 3:38 AM |
i'm trying hard to get over it. how about you make up your mind? sit in or get out. i am serious. 'cuz you're driving me insane. do you want to know why i'm still up at 3am? if only it's as simple as insomnia. nope, i have a much better reason. | |
사랑해요 | |
| BOTC? | Thursday, July 19, 2007 12:47 AM |
hard times. making this decision is like destroying my own dream. it's so difficult and i just can't make up my mind. but a part of me has already let go. i've half given up on what i want to be. when i'm so down... so down... i feel like going back to where i used to be. it wasn't exactly happy... but at least they remember me. i miss kel. and how he stood by me. over the years, through thick and thin ; ups and downs... i don't know without him what would have become of me. i'm just thankful i met him. now life is harder than ever before. can i still have you sit me through the night by the playground slides? come to think of it... wow that was like how many years ago? | |
사랑해요 | |
| zzz | Wednesday, July 18, 2007 12:14 AM |
don't put me on hold. it's been half a year and i'm running out of breath. i stood here and watched every single thing go by... you just couldn't even utter to me a simple hi. guess what? i totally feel like screaming at you. i don't want to say good bye to you. why do this to me? i'm dead tired for real. the past 2 days was draining because of interviews. like seriously, i hate it... gives me a funny feeling in the pit of my guts. you can't imagine how much it scares me and how fine i may seem even though i'm freaking out. but earlier today i was at marine parade for an interview. reminded me of the days i attended FCBC and had service there every saturday. i mean, it's really quite a nice place. at least the problems i had those days were simple. talk about problems... sigh, they've been a part of my life ever since. i can't possibly pretend i don't love each and everyone of them. i can't just turn and walk away. tell me, what should i do? | |
사랑해요 | |
| swirling thoughts | Monday, July 16, 2007 9:28 PM |
if there's one word to describe how i feel, it must be 'confuse'. my life has been such a mess with remains from the past... but there is hardly time for me to clean up all that stuff. i've been thinking with the little time i have in hand. so who am i? really. it's so hard to tell. don't ask already, okay? whatever you think is ; whatever you feel is. like as if i'll ever come clean. it's bad enough now so leave me alone. you don't even know how i feel. | |
사랑해요 | |
| lorazepam | Sunday, July 15, 2007 12:13 AM |
when love makes you the most blind, most arrogent, most senseless person in the world... is it still love? or is it time to re-consider? yeah, i can't breathe in all these. i feel like crying. when everything just keeps happening around me... i'm so overwhelmed. i need a break! growing up and stepping into society is so tough. i'm terrified. | |
사랑해요 | |
| here's to ra | Thursday, July 12, 2007 2:04 AM |
i guess God really wanted us to meet. back in the GB days we missed it but here we are back together once again. haha. how is it possible that two people who has only started talking 97 days ago are crazy when put together? well honestly, it seems to me i've known you for ever. it's amazing. same CCA. same camp. same friend. same school. same course. same church. same watch. same ring. same room. same laughter. same God. if not for such costly school fees i'll probably be on the same flight as you to perth to study in the same school same degree too. mind you, our watches even spoilt the same way. tell me where do i find another person like this? i'll totally miss the crazy times we had. i don't think i can find someone who can laugh the way i do already, how!? you take good care okay. meanwhile whatever punk jie have *ahem*.... i'll play your share! ahha. I LOVE YOU RA!!! *oh ya! same surname too. who knows? maybe same ancestors?* (: | |
사랑해요 | |
| hall | 1:49 AM |
semi-conscious. for peers. for job. for life. for him. do you know what it feels like to be like that? what would you do if your mind wills but your body doesn't follow? is it true? are the rumours true? am i deceiving myself or being gracious to them? really, sometimes i just don't understand myself. | |
사랑해요 | |
| BBQ! | Wednesday, July 11, 2007 2:17 PM |
there comes a point of time in your life when you just know the goodness will only increase and never decrease. with kel, that's probably the way it is now. we counted a handful of months since the last meet up. i haven't been seeing my dearest brother for so long and sometimes i just let him slip my mind. yesterday reminded me of how sweet he's been to me for the past 6 years. though many things have changed on my side... and we're not who we were when we first met... i'm just glad each time i see him, he surprises me with simple words and gestures. what's between us may not be clear but it's never been bad. this isn't you, but it's me. it'll probably gross you out but i'm saying because i know you won't ever see. i totally love you! haha. oh by the way, happy birthday reagan! (: | |
사랑해요 | |
| Tuesday, July 10, 2007 1:56 AM | |
just when i thought things were getting better... ask me if you want to know, okay? the others don't have my answers. i have a choice but all i could do was lie. how i wish there weren't any options this time. should i feel excited? after such a long time i'm finally gonna see them again. such a long time? actually, i don't even know how much time has passed. to be honest, i'm just a wee bit nervous. my life hasn't been the same ever since... what would it be like tomorrow night? i guess we'll just have to wait and see. sometimes i stop and i think... and i realize i really like the way things are now. well, not totally but you get the idea. drained and tired from everything... but at least i know it makes me happy. now, just how many times have i felt like this? isn't it amazing how things end up our way too often? if friends i tell you this is my crazy God making me smile... would you believe me? ughhhhhhh!!! i'm so gonna miss ra!!! ): | |
사랑해요 | |
| basking | Saturday, July 07, 2007 3:54 AM |
i did all i could to make myself see your words in reality. maybe it's working ; maybe not. simple words ; simple gestures. you're like all i ever needed to make my day. i don't need more... but i don't want less. i'm just glad today we can be friends. i pretend what they say doesn't hurt me in any way. it's not even their fault i'm playing this game. i actually had this precise emo plot of what to blog. but you doing what you did made my day complete. if everyday was just like today......... | |
사랑해요 | |
| graduation day | Wednesday, July 04, 2007 2:41 AM |
3 years of hardwork down to an official conclusion. today is graduation day. yup, i'm so over and done with poly. went back to school to have lunch with ra. met up with the people who has been in my life these past 3 years. with much emotions involved, i don't really know what to say. so many things happened. so many things have changed. ra exclaimed over lunch that she still can't believe we're from the same school same course. just imagine all the fun we might have in school if we knew back then. but i believe in God's timing and i'm thinking why now. well, better late than never ya? it's so much like school. yet it seems like the last good bye. that's it man... till we meet again, friends. will upload pics soon. | |
사랑해요 | |
| back to the start | Tuesday, July 03, 2007 4:15 AM |
it's been good and bad i would say. i mean with all that going on... it's hard to pretend it doesn't matter. a big part of me still hopes that it isn't true. what you said, i tried my best to believe in you. yet more than often, actions speak louder than words. and the things you do only spell disappointments and greater disappointments. don't even bother asking why. i saw the future and it made me wonder. now i'm lost; now i don't know why i am here. i'll have to find out... but this time i guess not with you anymore. really, what are you trying to do? so much more to spill... too little time... so tired. | |
사랑해요 | |