| urgh | Thursday, November 30, 2006 1:45 PM |
and everytime it just goes the wrong way. i hate this. why me? | |
사랑해요 | |
| urgh | 2:12 AM |
i miss the days when sister stayed in hostel. these 2 days without her around when i reach home... i've came to the realisation that if not because of her... i'd have gotten alot of my school work done at night after supper. i can't wait for weekend... which is like one day away. but.......... time is flying. project deadlines are drawing nearer and nearer. time is crawling. it seems like the pain is here to stay. i don't know how to blog about everything that's happening... but i do want all of you to know... it's okay. you know who y'all are... just... thanks for caring. i wish this christmas... i'll get a red VAIO lappy. is that possible? hah~ how about a Nokia 7373 then =\ | |
사랑해요 | |
| ): | Wednesday, November 29, 2006 3:15 PM |
眼看幸福就将离我而去... 快乐不再属于我.. 今后我该怎么办? 是不是真的只好说再见? | |
사랑해요 | |
| SCAN MY CARD FOR ME PLEASE !!! | 2:25 AM |
how have you been? are you doing fine without me? but i know i can't give you anything more... shouldn't hurt us anymore. saw this comin' the day i decided to stop giving. i couldn't possibly make you change just because of me. it's just wrong. time comes when i still need to be me. i still need a break. i still need to cry. i don't know how we end up here we are today. now for some randoms... to all the people who's been checking up on me... yes, i'm still fine. i'm okay... really. triple cheers because my sister is away at camp. at 1st it was fine... then it turned a lil sour... thank god you always save my day. tomorrow i'm finally working again... and guess what!? it's gonna be just zijing, ivy, qianwen, gabriel, bhuvan and ME! shit. i just realised i forgot to pass my admin card to my classmates. which means that i got to wake up early just to scan card on thursday. totally uncool ): any kind soul who reads this... can you offer to help me scan my card on thursday at 11am and 2pm @ LTN4 ? pretty pleeeaaaaaseeee??? and my right foot is still hurting. is there anyway to save it besides seeing the doctor? ): | |
사랑해요 | |
| girls' brigade | 2:05 AM |
My GB Times. i was browsing through the latest year-end camp pictures. brought back much memories... good and bad... i so miss the days and i have this urge to sit down with zijing... bytch about all the shits like how we used to... then stupidly cry over them like 2 nutcases. i still remember... how the last time i had this "counselling" from ms tan... how beekian, zijing and i... and maybe leefang... sat at the void deck till super late... and there i was... crying my ass off. i honestly miss GB a lot. i miss the drill squad and all our intensive drill practices for drill competition. i even miss the countless times i had to scream at the top of my lungs... because for some reasons they just wouldn't listen. i'll never forget how i never fail to fall sick during/after every camp. and how i'll bawl over not wanting to get sent home. how's everything back there now? i wished right from the start zijing candice together with all the others never left. was that 4 years of memory so easy to let go of? why does it hurt? is it just me? | |
사랑해요 | |
| breakkkk | Tuesday, November 28, 2006 4:15 PM |
i'm at home now idling my 4 hours break away. i know i have lots of things to do... homework projects and such. i totally forgot about the 5% lab yesterday and i so conveniently skipped it. thank god for 2nd chances. i want to cry but i know i can't. i want a shoulder to lean on and just stop holding back the tears for a moment. just one moment will do. so often i suspect my presence has been in excess... and it's so easy to believe it scares me. i've always understood the difficulty of being alone. i just never knew the feeling will come so soon. if you were me you'll probably understand... you'd very much want to see him smile... no matter how much it's gonna take... how far you gotta go. 'nuff said ~ baby, you should have called me... when you were lonely... when you needed me to be there. sadly, you never gave me... too many chances... to show you how much i care. | |
사랑해요 | |
| blah | Monday, November 27, 2006 3:00 PM |
yeap i'm here again. i guess this is what happens when you finally get to take a break. i wish now is holiday ): here's what my camera caught yesterday at tiamo.  self-proclaimed yandao - adil. hahaha!  my one dosage per day - mocha.  tiamo girlfriends minus ivy. *NOTE:IVY I CHARGED MY CAM! MEET UP SOON (:*  the sweetest guys upstairs (:  actually we sneaked off from work for a lil while to take this picture. but it was only at the staircase and took approximately 2 minutes so i guess it's okay riggggght? =  this is of course my beloved sis for erm... 4 or 5 years? and finally...........  how adorable! hahahaha (: her adundant presence has made me more than insignificant. this christmas... i just want to be really happy. | |
사랑해요 | |
| blah | 4:07 AM |
here goes again. attended grace's wedding today. sure, i know i'll be a million times happier working instead. but it was still sweet and everything. and i get to see jon who's FINALLY back from australia for summer break. i have a lot to say and pictures to upload... but now is not the time. be back to update soon... i really, really have so much to tell... but... | |
사랑해요 | |
| blah | 3:48 AM |
i'm gonna separate this morning's post into 2. so here goes number 1... right till the end, you still don't know how to lead me back on track. even after countless times of telling you and numerous re-runs. the last thing i ever needed... is for you to leave me with words that hurt... you don't know that all the nights i lay wide awake in bed... thinking and thinking how 1 year & 6 months became a missing piece of a jigsaw puzzle. sure, there are much other stuff on my mind. i guess you'd just laugh away and scream "EXCUSES!" and i'm just more and more afraid of being left alone each day. like how it's always like in a place called home. | |
사랑해요 | |
| another entry... | Friday, November 24, 2006 3:00 AM |
according to the time now.. it's been 1 month 3 days since our break up. since you broke up with me. and it's approximately the 100th time i'm repeating this. you weren't deprived of time nor did you lack chances. yes, i haven't managed to untied the knots inside of me... therefore i always can't give you definite answers. a lame yet honest explanation from your beloved me for everything - i've been busy. if now's the understanding you i once knew reading this right now... you'll believe that life has truly been tough on me. it's just not me to start screaming to the world what actually went wrong. love tiamo darlings. thanks for being there or even just checking up on me (: when things happen... you don't always have to shoulder all the burden and think about fairness/equality. we all know that it's practically impossible to have a solution that pleases every single soul. so PAP won the election again. did everyone vote for them? so we don't have dessert wine. will every customer make do with the late harvest semillon? come to think of it... selfish? i hardly agree. there's another word that fits better. life. oh don't you guys just hate it when i blog? it never winds up short and there's always some message to decipher. so anyway this thought crossed my mind just a while ago... if i had a shelf in my toilet filled with books and magazines and papers... i can probably sit in there for ages! oh ya, and my handphone too in case the world starts to forget about my existence. so to end this rather random post... i've come to a realisation great enough to form an equation. phobia = "3cia, do you have anything to tell me?" *very much dedicated to qianwen for reading pleasure.* | |
사랑해요 | |
| a girl's story | Thursday, November 23, 2006 4:25 AM |
at first, he blended ever so nicely into the background. overnight, she wanted so bad to be a part of his life. just as she was about to tell him everything... he revealed to her but an awful truth. and all these times she overcame... it's still difficult to face each and everyday. lies after lies just to pretend everything's fine. honestly, what's fear when you face it every other day? reality is always cruel. the world is never fair. a girl... she's still waiting for you. by the way i got your answer. you wouldn't do this for me like i'm doing this for you. so much for hugs & kisses ; if you don't mind... go away~ | |
사랑해요 | |
| if | Wednesday, November 22, 2006 1:08 AM |
if i have all the guts in this world to initiate everything in front of you... if i can grab hold of all chances and keep them in a box... if i don't have to make every little thing sound like a joke... if......... what's so mesmorising? what's so irresistable? enlighten me. what in the world can leave you with no other choice? my foot hurts. i'm not working for many many days this week because of stupid night classes. comes tomorrow... the day i get to lay in bed till "the sun is shining on my backside"... but still i have to do up my resume and interview kit. and the whole pile of projects waiting for me to steal a glance at them. will the grass on the other side always seem greener? will good things only happen to other people? hate is a very harsh word. say... i hate life. period. | |
사랑해요 | |
| wine ! | Tuesday, November 21, 2006 2:19 AM |
what do you do when you feel like crying but the tears just won't form? what do you do when your greatest fear starts creeping into reality? what do you do when you don't just want to be a friend? he once remarked, "why are guys never content with just one girl?" i wish i can tell you that in the past the sweet nothings meant everything... but now they're seriously nothing... at least not to me anymore. when i wanted you didn't give. now it doesn't matter anymore... what's the point? you told me,"i love you is merely three words.. what's so difficult about saying it?" it's not difficult to say it... it's more like actually feeling it. so when i was waiting to be zoomed around in that black mitsu i wasn't kidding. later on i thought i'll never get to see it at all. now you're back and asking for alot. had this wine learning session today. for a moment i wished time could've stopped. ok no... i still wish that now. so anyway i'm thinking i might talk in my dreams tonight. about some cabernet sauvignon, sauvignon blanc and late harvest semillon... not forgetting about margaret river and chile... and there's something about clairault and clifford bay... some marlborough thingy... laurance rosè and sweetie... estate just means it's so called better... in the sense it's gonna be more expensive =\ now i know in wine tasting context... dry smiply means is it sweet or not. actually i have LOADS to say but i'm drifting off to sleep. i wish one day he'll take a step back and look at things differently. who should you really spare the extra thought for? | |
사랑해요 | |
| chances | Monday, November 20, 2006 1:09 AM |
how many times in a person's life can he or she hope to be someone else? you should have seen the look in the boy's eyes when he looked back at that girl. you should have seen how her hopes crashed and shattered into a million pieces. but why? many times i asked myself... why didn't i tell him before he ever told me anything... why did i pretend to be someone just like a friend... and nothing more... before you were anything for it... i had everything for you... someone once told me this... "chances everyone also have. it's only how you choose to take it." and on the way back home from work tonight... i was thinking all about it. seriously, take a look around you... some people just shut the door in your face before you can even say hello. give her a shoulder to lean onto and the energy to go on for just one more day... i so want to be in it. time is breezing pass and the future is ever so intimidating. days i can keep you so close with nothing to fear... nothing to fret... you just can't imagine how much i wish that envy and pain are non-existence emotions. | |
사랑해요 | |
| c l a | Saturday, November 18, 2006 3:56 AM |
this gigantic retarded dog decided to follow me home! no. i'm not afraid of it. it's just................... oh well~ and THANK YOU! otherwise i might have just sat down in the park and cried my ass off. like the last time the neighbourhood kitty decided to tail me... and i had difficulty telling my mommy to bring me home `cuz i was crying so hard. I KNOW I KNOW. it's stop laughing now. for everyone's information... my day is complete - for once. sometimes i miss you, baby. but i think about it and it seems you were never there. it hasn't been long... but it wasn't really short. just appreciated your being there at my downest... your loving embrace. our time apart from this world. i needed all that. thanks. is it over? or is it not? i have no idea... but i have no time... so i guess i'm sorry... `cuz i probably can't be there when you need me at all. you were once my someone else. but i was content enough being your someone else. just so you know... i really tried very hard to stay as that other girl in your life. but you'll never see the pain that went on inside of me. (: tiamo girlfriends will be curious... ask me ask me! i'll tell you the whole story. hahaha~ and ya, i just vomitted all my mee goreng *cries* i gotta roll around in bed `cuz i still feel sick. | |
사랑해요 | |
| wish list update (: | Friday, November 17, 2006 12:27 PM |
today is the best day i've had in ages. let it stay this way till the end of the day. yesterday rahim talked to me when i bumped into him in the lift. i know it's just a small talk. but it's been like what? 2 years? i'm still happy about it (: *grins* after all... i still remember how much it all affected me in year 1. last night i've been silly enough to bring home both the locker keys. no choice i went to Tiamo just now to pass lin the key. but i think i should be glad it happened this way... otherwise i might just have slept away my day and miss all my lessons again. i know i swore not to cut classes anymore... but ! i don't know what is wrong with me this semester... maybe... i just cannot find a reason to drag myself to school anymore. oh wells... went to town last night and i bought stuff (: like finally... so wishlist updates! | |
사랑해요 | |
| so dead ! | Thursday, November 16, 2006 4:55 AM |
i know i shouldn't be blogging at this time. i'm so dead. i have formal presentation at 4pm tomorrow. i have e-learning to do. my resume for tomorrow isn't done AT ALL. in fact i haven't even found a suitable classified ad yet. oh what the heck... change all the "tomorrows" above to "later". i am scared. like real afraid that i can't get my work done. but for once let me blog about my work. been busy at work today... like for about 10 minutes. oh wells... make that 15 minutes. basically it was quite dope... zijng, ivy, qianwen, christine, ruben & i. note the bold and italic. *laughs* went for supper and i promised myself i'll be back early to rush my resume. indeed it is early now. should i just kill myself or something? thanks one million to jeremy... otherwise i'll have to get up at god knows what time tomorrow just to scan my freakin' admin card for lecture. All I am, all I'll be Everything in this world All that I'll ever need Is in your eyes Shining at me When you smile I can feel All my passion unfolding Your hand brushes mine And a thousand sensations Seduce me 'cause I I do cherish you For the rest of my life You don't have to think twice I will love you still From the depths of my soul It's beyond my control I've waited so long to say this to you If you're asking do I love you this much I do In my world, before you I lived outside my emotions Didn't know where I was going 'Till that day I found you How you opened my life To a new paradise In a world torn by change Still with all my heart 'Till my dying day ya, just a random song that was played at work. old but nice. and true................ | |
사랑해요 | |
| so dead !!! | 4:32 AM |
i know i shouldn't be blogging at this time. i'm so dead. i have formal presentation at 4pm tomorrow. i have e-learning to do. my resume for tomorrow isn't done AT ALL. in fact i haven't even found a suitable classified ad yet. oh what the heck... change all the "tomorrows" above to "later". i am scared. like real afraid that i can't get my work done. but for once let me blog about my work. been busy at work today... like for about 10 minutes. oh wells... make that 15 minutes = basically it was quite dope... zijng, ivy, qianwen, christine, ruben & i. note the bold and italic. *laughs* went for supper and i promised myself i'll be back early to rush my resume. indeed it is early now. should i just kill myself or something? thanks one million to jeremy... otherwise i'll have to get up at god knows what time tomorrow just to scan my freakin' admin card for lecture. All I am, all I'll be Everything in this world All that I'll ever need Is in your eyes Shining at me When you smile I can feel All my passion unfolding Your hand brushes mine And a thousand sensations Seduce me 'cause I I do cherish you For the rest of my life You don't have to think twice I will love you still From the depths of my soul It's beyond my control I've waited so long to say this to you If you're asking do I love you this much I do In my world, before you I lived outside my emotions Didn't know where I was going 'Till that day I found you How you opened my life To a new paradise In a world torn by change Still with all my heart 'Till my dying day ya, just a random song that was played at work. old but nice. and true................ | |
사랑해요 | |
4:32 AM | |
i know i shouldn't be blogging at this time. i'm so dead. i have formal presentation at 4pm tomorrow. i have e-learning to do. my resume for tomorrow isn't done AT ALL. in fact i haven't even found a suitable classified ad yet. oh what the heck... change all the "tomorrows" above to "later". i am scared. like real afraid that i can't get my work done. but for once let me blog about my work. been busy at work today... like for about 10 minutes. oh wells... make that 15 minutes =\ basically it was quite dope... zijng, ivy, qianwen, christine, ruben & i. note the bold and italic. *laughs* went for supper and i promised myself i'll be back early to rush my resume. indeed it is early now. should i just kill myself or something? thanks one million to jeremy... otherwise i'll have to get up at god knows what time tomorrow just to scan my freakin' admin card for lecture. All I am, all I'll be Everything in this world All that I'll ever need Is in your eyes Shining at me When you smile I can feel All my passion unfolding Your hand brushes mine And a thousand sensations Seduce me 'cause I I do cherish you For the rest of my life You don't have to think twice I will love you still From the depths of my soul It's beyond my control I've waited so long to say this to you If you're asking do I love you this much I do In my world, before you I lived outside my emotions Didn't know where I was going 'Till that day I found you How you opened my life To a new paradise In a world torn by change Still with all my heart 'Till my dying day ya, just a random song that was played at work. old but nice. and true................ | |
사랑해요 | |
| excruciating ~ | Tuesday, November 14, 2006 1:31 AM |
is it really true that one will be content just knowing the one he/she likes is happy? if the answer is yes, then i probably did a very right thing. but how come i don't seem to feel ecstatic after that? and the heart suddenly seem to have this sinking feeling... why is there a voice silently repeating in my mind... constantly telling me sorry...? it's terrifying me... it's excruciating... when can i wake up and forget everything ever happened? let's just hope that when what i'm afraid to face happens... i won't shed any tear of sorrow... but smile and pretend everything fell into place the way it's all supposed to be. i'm fine... actually, no i'm not. does it make a difference? it's not even important. what's suppose to happen is bound to happen. just... be happy ? | |
사랑해요 | |
| who is happy? | Monday, November 13, 2006 1:01 AM |
let's be honest here. it didn't hurt. but it's starting to. i'm so afraid of what's coming... i'm so afraid of what's going... what would you do if you kept secrets for people with all your heart... and they weren't convinced you really did it for them? what would you do if one of those people matters alot to you? how far would you go just to make someone smile? how far would you go just to let someone know you care? how many more lies should i tell the world? how long more before i quit pretending everything is still the same? and actually i have a lot more to say... but ......... but ......... let's just leave things as it is... because i know i can't have more. and i certainly don't want less. | |
사랑해요 | |
| and all my crap | Saturday, November 11, 2006 2:10 AM |
oh-so-touched. chee and felicia came to visit me again! okay actually i'm not sure whether it's to chill or to visit me. but it's okay. i'll just think on the bright side. HAHA! but it's quite besides my point of blogging. half the time.. or rather all the time.. my mind just go blank when i do navigate to this page. and i have so much to say... yet i don't know what to say... or maybe i just don't know how to put it so that people will interpret it the wrong way. yea i meant it. the wrong way. to make up for the lack of posts in past and future... since i have the mood tonight... let this be a freaking long entry. the blog proper shall of course be my favourite content. matters of the heart. well i thank Tiamo much for making so many of my days. and i of course want to thank you too. it didn't mean nothin' when i said priceless... there wasn't a lie in anything i conveyed to you... all in all, it's still up to your verdict between trust or not to trust. i ever wondered how you derived at this "solution"... sometimes i don't care that curiosity killed the cat. what i want to hear is it could have been. maybe from the start it went wrong. because things happened to me and messed up my life.. and i messed chances up. but i want to know your heart ever tried to stray away from present... because of someone like me? maybe i've been slow. maybe i've been giving the wrong impression... i always thought it can never be... i thought i'd be satisfied being a great pal... but over time i figured maybe i'll never make it to where i thought i can go. and three words deprived me of all i ever wanted this past month. it's too late. yesterday, today, tomorrow... and at least a couple more tomorrows... i'll still be wishing to be a part of that nasty lil secret. the people who seems happiest are usually those that hides the most sorrows inside. they all tell me... the eyes can speak. surely you know everything... `cuz my tiniest lie couldn't fool you the slightest bit. let's do this some other day... i'm plain exhausted. | |
사랑해요 | |
| HAHA | Thursday, November 09, 2006 1:24 PM |
can you make it... real? (: | |
사랑해요 | |
| why ? | Wednesday, November 08, 2006 1:40 PM |
i'm gonna smile like nothing's wrong. i'm gonna pretend i'm still as fine. there's one word that practically sums up the confusion stirring within me - why ? yet there's no other words to elaborate this complex little question. and what is it that after being fed with all these craps... i'm still stuck in this room of hope... wishing and wishing i can be the one to make you smile again. no. ignore the again. i think i never did make you smile in the first place. | |
사랑해요 | |
| i'm sorry it has to be this way | Tuesday, November 07, 2006 12:59 PM |
maybe i kept forgetting to make this wish... maybe that's why things keep happening... should have known it all along... i wish things never change... do you remember how right from the start we were smiling happily? can you recall the moments when sweetness resided in us? but you don't know and nobody knows... the pain i feel when i see life moving on... when i see people passing by in my life... when everything that was once real is now all just a dream. let's stop this emo thing. meet the other me. | |
사랑해요 | |
| blabberrr ~ | Monday, November 06, 2006 2:48 AM |
i've got tons of work to do... and i spend tons of time at work... i know it's a matter of choice... i know i'm too tired... when the only person who can take your pain away... is the person adding salt to your wound... i guess the best thing to do is to keep quiet... and just fade away. i'm happy and i'm not... a shoulder for me to lean on to. a smile that'll tell me everything is gonna be okay. a hug to show i'm not forgotten. i want them... from you. but it's okay. i understand. | |
사랑해요 | |
| clarifications | Friday, November 03, 2006 3:20 PM |
basically... thanks peeps for checking up my blog but... SPARE ME FROM THOSE FUNNY THINGS. like guessing who i'm blogging about and all... `cuz it's like no point. yes i'm very busy at tiamo and spends almost all my life there. but ya apart from tiamo i'm not dead. so i hope this clears up the misunderstandings around. and the question marks hovering above. there's more to my life than just tiamo no matter how big a role it plays. and i'm sorry i keep having to lie | |
사랑해요 | |
| non-nonsensical nonsense | 1:35 PM |
when she asked me... i really wanted to tell her. i know i can trust her... but i know it's wrong. who am i to divide happiness by 2? if loving someone means seeing him happy... then at the end of the day... i'd rather be the only one crying. and everybody seemingly understands what i want more than i myself do. yet thanks for every little thing. | |
사랑해요 | |