| enough or more? | Thursday, May 31, 2007 11:38 PM |
the longest conversation ever. anyway, my eyes so poor thing ): why like that ah? maybe i really should visit the doctor already. lucky i had daryl and xinying to wait for the bus with me! thanks man. i'm happy today leh haha. God loves me! | |
사랑해요 | |
| teddy teddy | Wednesday, May 30, 2007 9:18 PM |
in my life, i'd be honest and say... the most glorious moments the achievements i attained. the friends i've made who stayed with me. the tears i've cried the memories we'd create. in a way be it big or small... 48th has a part to play. without 48th i just wouldn't be who i am today. but i've come to a point where everything is such a chore. i'm not afraid to say i'm not happy at all. it's not about me. it's not about them. it's not about the company. it's about God. but one thing i'm sure... i know God wants me to be happy. i don't know what to expect or how things should be like. but i know... i'm not supposed to be crying or even feel like it. it's a burden this choice i have to make... after all it's been seven years since i first came here. don't you think the teddy bear is a wonderful creation? i love mine. especially in times like this. | |
사랑해요 | |
| four months | Monday, May 28, 2007 9:24 PM |
a hundred and twenty days ever since that very first day. imagine you've always known it's you. and even sometimes i'm almost certain you do. then again, maybe not. Let my walk speak loud And my words be true Let my life be whole and my eyes on You Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone Letting go of me, holding on to You Freedom comes, when I call You Lord You are Lord, my God You are the Centre of it all The universe declares in awe Your Majesty, I surrender all I make You the Centre of my life Lord I respond with all I am You placed in me the song Of Heaven's melody Your Majesty, I live to sing Your song I have found Your peace, it replaces any fear You have done it all, I can trust in You Lord I'm stepping out, from the comfort zone Letting go of me, holding on to You This is Your song, not mine It is Your song, that brings healing to this land This is Your song, not mine It is Your song, that brings freedom | |
사랑해요 | |
| monday | 12:15 AM |
how can i ever find the courage? it's frightening yet i just pray for the day of breakthrough. the long journey home is still as unbearable and getting worse each time. the fire is weak. but i'm not ready to quit. another new week. would it be too much to ask for a shoulder to lean on? i need a hand. | |
사랑해요 | |
| i simply live | Saturday, May 26, 2007 2:51 PM |
had kaya toast for breakfast with jono yesterday. waited for him to pick me up at night again then went j8 to get his khakis. headed back to tiamo for a little "get-together". so why am i saying all that? yup, 'cuz he's finally back!!! had a-okay time fooling around. if only things never changed. tomorrow he'll be gone. it's gonna be a long time till i see him again i guess. sadly. - it's not exactly bad when people pass remarks that aren't really pleasant. but some simply spits criticism as though it's the funniest thing ever. and it's not even the least bit encouraging when i'm already trying so hard. it's not everyday that something just happen with a snap of fingers. can you understand? - yeah, it seems as though there are too many issues to be addressed all at once. i chose to not ponder on the others not because they're less important. i'm just too tired. as usual. for the growing number of people curious and concerned of the one typical aspect of life. i'm just sorry... because i'm not ready to admit? maybe. | |
사랑해요 | |
| WELCOME BACK JONO! | Friday, May 25, 2007 1:11 AM |
i've knocked off. and now i'm home staring at the monitor. wouldn't it be much more meaningful to be at the airport? well, i would be most delighted. after all, australia is really quite far away. and it's not everyday that jonathan is coming back, you know? i guess i'll just look forward to tonight. even though sometimes it feels as though you never left... still, i miss you and i'm glad you're coming back :) it's like just 49 minutes left to 2am! | |
사랑해요 | |
| miracle | Thursday, May 24, 2007 12:26 AM |
badminton was pretty good. reminds me of the days in school when we used to play every week. gone are those days but i'll never forget. the better of today; i guess now i cannot say. i'm almost sure that it'll take years to work my way to where i want to be. to feel how they feel. to be where they are. to understand all they say. to always be remembered; to always be a part. and to know it's real. time, as usual, is what i never have enough. sometimes i just wish to have a little more of everything. sometimes the littlest thing you do/say makes me feel like it is everything. it's so weird. what i need now is nothing less than a miracle. God, can i still ask for more? then i'm so sad 'cuz we're probably not picking jono up anymore. why am i not surprise? | |
사랑해요 | |
| JONO! | Wednesday, May 23, 2007 1:01 PM |
Jonathan is coming back at 2am on friday. HURRAY!!! i can't wait to pick him up =D i've lived 20 years of my life to know better that life has never been fair. but God is... and he has never forsaken me. isn't that amazing? :) | |
사랑해요 | |
| reallllllly | Tuesday, May 22, 2007 3:33 AM |
trust me. i ran from serangoon to amk today. ok not THAT far. but still, not what i normally would. why? make a guess. it's not that hard to imagine. | |
사랑해요 | |
| forget it. | Monday, May 21, 2007 1:33 PM |
because you're somebody important to me. no matter what i say. no matter what happens. the fact will never change. yeah, it's true. | |
사랑해요 | |
| so sorry | Sunday, May 20, 2007 9:19 PM |
i wish i wouldn't make mistakes... hate is a big word; i hate making mistakes. i'm so afraid. i'm so afraid i feel like leaving. i feel like letting go and just drop whatever i've managed to grasp in these 4 months. i'm so afraid i feel like running away. i'm so afraid... but i can't tell anyone what i'm afraid of. only God knows. like the future is near. and everything i've hoped for and asked for in the Lord are mere dreams that can never be granted unto me. what happened to that faith? the never crumbling faith i thought was ever so strong. it's scary isn't it? how fragile the wall is that when i cry the tears wash away it's stability. i'm so tired. maybe there really is a time to start saying no. maybe they're right. thanks jonathan for being there. thanks xinying for listening. thanks... i really needed somebody. | |
사랑해요 | |
| TGIF | Friday, May 18, 2007 11:59 PM |
without a doubt, TGIF! i need serious cheering up before i fall into major depression. and you thought handling little boys and girls in the brigade is bad enough with all the most ridiculous things that can ever occur. yeah? try working at my workplace on weekdays in the afternoon. don't say i never warned you... chances are you'll go insane. and i'm facing that problem like almost everyday. and i can't lose my cool; and i can't scream; and i can't cry; and i can't say quit. can anyone hear me? can? help? anyway, watched the nativity story not bad a show, with lotsa food and all. it's about joseph and mary for most part of it... and birth of Jesus, of course. the only really big problem was... i'm so tired!!! i still am though... so more next time (: | |
사랑해요 | |
| sakae!!! | 12:53 AM |
out with yushan earlier today. as requested... here's our BIG photo.  but i wish karen could come too! had a great time over good lunch. (: june 9th here we come. haha. church camp is less than a month away. xinying is making my anticipation grow each day with her never-ending list of to-buys for THE day. it is already the start of the 10 days of prayer before Pentecost Sunday. check this out. having heard of you all of which far beyond all i can ever phantom. certainly, my thoughts wavered... but never my heart. it all makes me wonder... is God telling me to let go of this. or just checking if i'm ready for all that he's ahead. at the end of the day, i just find things will still have to wait. this faith you taught me... it sure is strong. what people say isn't important. without you i wouldn't dream i'll have this day. to me, it's all that matters. after all, beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. i guess that is one of the many wonders God created for us. we'll never really understand, agree? | |
사랑해요 | |
| in His time | Wednesday, May 16, 2007 11:36 PM |
i can't wait to meet yushan!!! it's gonna be our first time going out (: xinying's making me excited about church camp with her never ending list of things to buy for it. i've been assured countless times in differing versions... basically saying i'm here late. though i may have missed out on a whole load of fun... and dear girls, i'd have love to hang out and all. i do believe there is an explanation why not just a little bit earlier. why now when many are apparently more than just tired. to have walked into this world with absolutely no clue i could do it... i'm amazed i gathered enough courage. then i've wondered... if my calling is here, serving in 48th may not be the best of idea after all. for all the differences from before... i find the people who used to be my life doesn't relate anymore. i wish they're still here to stay... that they'll see such wonderful things in God's time... and believe in what i have received in due time. in His time, in His time He makes all things beautiful in His time Lord my life to You i bring may each song i have to sing be to You a lovely thing in Your time in Your time, in Your time You make all things beautiful in Your time Lord please show me everyday that You're leading me Your way that You do just what You say in Your time | |
사랑해요 | |
| i'm so amazed | Tuesday, May 15, 2007 5:14 PM |
lately, you've caught me by surprise. the number of times i turn to find you by my side. i chose silence despite zero distance. but those very moments... i just know you are here. on some occasions you try to involve me. my disbelief you simply cannot imagine. time comes i'm getting used to everything. now i've come this far there's no turning back... i may see the storms that are coming my way. but for the Lord, i never want to give up. and as i was scribbling this... at first, it was somebody else that i thought and wrote about. you know, my God is an amazing God. | |
사랑해요 | |
| please | Sunday, May 13, 2007 10:46 PM |
i miss the times i could stay at home and sit around doing nothing. i've reached a point where sleeping in as late as i want is nearly impossible. there's so much to do and more still to come. worse when from other's point of view i'm not even busy. hidden responsibilities; they never fail to knock on my door. it is indeed my honour to serve... but i just wish the world can understand & perhaps care. when i'm already struggling crazily, words of misjudgement kills me. is it possible to spare me from all these? i wouldn't deny the truth before my eyes. it doesn't take a genius to read between my lines. yes, it is true. it may have been a wrong advancement... but today, i've discovered alot. being where i am, i don't even know how i should feel. maybe it was already planned for me to go there... to understand what it is that i'm asking of from the Lord all these months. maybe it was for me to know the road i'm choosing is not a piece of cake. maybe it was a mental preparation for what i shall receive in due time. the possibilities aplenty. will great faith bring me what i still believe He will give unto me? i'm tired of this police-and-thief game. i'm no police, just stay where you are. i really want you to stay. | |
사랑해요 | |
| fairytale | 1:04 AM |
captain's ball was almost cancelled today due to the rain. i'm glad it happened in the end despite the little accidents. because...... it's still the same. my stand remains. i'd be proud of you. can i just believe my own fairytale? | |
사랑해요 | |
| play pretend | Saturday, May 12, 2007 1:14 AM |
i am afraid... after all. not a little ; not quite. i am terrified. the cruelty of this world... that's something i cannot deny. no matter how hard i try... it's all just pretence. and it's hard having to pretend i have not a care for that you in my life. | |
사랑해요 | |
| happy birthday, nick! | Friday, May 11, 2007 12:13 AM |
seeing all the faces around me... i know i am blessed to be in this family. hearing all the words that were said to me... i don't know... i may be the luckiest one of all. though it hasn't been long... the things that already happened... the things that i've came to know... sometimes, ignorance is really bliss. but i can't turn back. i can't regret. i do not know what is laid before my path... all i know is i have to find a way. which way? and how? | |
사랑해요 | |
| let it go | Thursday, May 10, 2007 12:06 AM |
is it too much all at once? should i slow down and catch a breath? still, time is running out. it always has been. ever since you've been around... each passing day... it's all just time running out. i guess right now, it's back to friends. no, from the start it has never been more. i've decided to let it go... because pursuing dreams has never been me. these while, all you've really made me feel... i rather not explain... all that brokeness and pain. everything's falling apart. i can only helplessly watch as they crumble away. i know your eyes they'll say... that's why i never dare to look their way again. dinner...  
| |
사랑해요 | |
| the better life | Wednesday, May 09, 2007 12:46 AM |
after much contemplation... whether i've been stupid doesn't really matter anymore. it was originally a nice day of meeting yvonne and sms-ing randomly during work with some very sweet people. yeah, originally. forget all that. i just hope that kuen will get well soon... and ra's 10 minutes presentation will be good... and daryl will be able to get up at 7am... and von will have a great day ahead... and e-liz will have fun at camp... and yushan will be much much happier... ... isn't the world much more beautiful now already? (: | |
사랑해요 | |
| not a bad day | Tuesday, May 08, 2007 1:57 AM |
flash of a lightning; blink of an eye. four months coming, more still counting. it's been a while; the secret's not out. maybe it'll be over before you know. e-van and e-liz came to visit me at work today! so nice right! then ate dinner and came home. my home. we chatted on msn... to other people obviously... and yeah, it entertained us quite a bit. haha. played monopoly but got sick of it after like 15 minutes? heh... it wasn't a bad day (: hey girl, don't be affected by all that's happened. what's passed is past. we have to let go in order to achieve greater things in life. dwelling in the things that doesn't go our way will only increase self-pity within. that isn't what God wants for us, right? do not be disheartened, not now. God bless this girl and her sweet smile that brightened up my world right from the very first time. continue to shine like how you drew me to you. you're a gift from heaven and i'm so glad i met you!!! (: | |
사랑해요 | |
| monday again | Monday, May 07, 2007 2:57 AM |
so hi, i'm back! details right? i know. saturday: got up for GB zonal meeting. went for captain's ball. stayed over at yeung's place after dinner. that explains my absence over the weekend (:  this is a picture from the stay-over. yeap, it was pretty crazy. we ate so much but still got hungry at night. e-van and her food show only made everything worse. seriously, they're a bunch of nutty girls. all so funny! sunday: went for breakfast at yakun before going to service. caught spiderman 3 after lunch. ra, e-liz, e-lin, e-van, dar, kei, kuen, nicky, jerome, xinying & kelvin. woah, so many people right!?  well, here are the angels that walked me through. you can't imagine how much smiles they brought to my life, even though it's only been a while. i just thank God for each and everyone of them. of course there are other dears too (: i didn't forget the rest of you!  oh look! don't you just love our watches? (: heh but ra's cheaper!!! ahhh!!! went back to yeung's place after dinner. waited for kuen and kei to pick us up. then went to meet the people again. sat around... played around... bought supper at macdonald's and ate at upper seletar reservoir.  we marvelled at how i've only been around for such a short time... yet am now sitting along side chatting with everyone else. how yesterday it seems, the first time we ever talked... yet get down to count the days, it's not just a day or two anymore. but i don't know... i don't know how long this walk will go. sometimes it gets too hard. or maybe i just think too much. have my expectations grown higher? the things that used to make me happy... are they no longer sufficient? what shall i do? what can i do for myself? how do i get over this? | |
사랑해요 | |
| re-establish boundaries | Saturday, May 05, 2007 12:02 AM |
tonight, i came back with a smile i couldn't wipe away. just yesterday, faith wanted to pack up and go away. the world can see what's become of my life ever since. yes, it's true... dare to be happy; come and you will know. cell tonight was great. alot more of getting used to this and that. but i guess i'm fine. because there are so many special people i've met right here. words simply cannot describe how grateful i am for everything. and i believe if you're one of these people... you'll know i mean you (: | |
사랑해요 | |
| even as tears fill my eyes | Thursday, May 03, 2007 11:40 PM |
i'll never try again. don't even want to think about it. you set the tears welling up... the brokeness is back once again. between us... can there be nothing more than being strangers? with nothing to begin with... how can i ever even lose anything? so many ways; but my only way. standing afar. i just want to see you smile. sometimes, i even wish what they think is true. at least, it wouldn't hurt this much. | |
사랑해요 | |
| before you go | 3:39 AM |
fatigue is overwhelming. but i don't feel like turning in early. then again, it is already getting late now. i have been wanting to write. there's just so much to talk about. then again, i don't really know what i want to shout away. it's been a long time. yet 3 months ago seems just yesterday. then again, you and i are pretty much the same old far-away. recalling how i counted down the last of days. remembering how i cried in hope to wash the pain away. that i've endured it all; i know now i'm stronger. what was it compared to the little months left right now? i don't know about you, but i wish... i just wish... before you go... sigh | |
사랑해요 | |
| some updates | Tuesday, May 01, 2007 12:08 AM |
i love you. more i love everything the Lord has given to me through you. if one day you were to go... i don't know. but i'll be pressing on.  sunday:had a great time even though it was SO TIRING. evon jie took us to nice dinner and fabulous dessert! and this is the all time favourite classic advertisement picture. cool? yeah, i know (: monday: thank you von!!! for dropping by while i was working. i so appreciate everything. and i missed the pond very much, you know? (: and the da-bian fish... | |
사랑해요 | |